Learning English in Brazil

I know what you are thinking by the title. What? That does not make any sense. But this blog is in honor of some wonderful people whom we have met here and actually wanted to be our friends.

We do have some very good friends here. They are English, Scottish and Irish. Not Northern Irish, because they are actually British subjects, but Republic Irish. Which cannot be confused with Republicans. Because they are the IRA. Which also should not be confused with the American Republicans who tend to support the NRA. (Interesting that it is only only letter different.) We have learned many things from these good friends, namely that we use the wrong words to describe things.

First of all I would like to educate you on some of the geography we learned. I think this is correct, but is might not be since I had about a 1/5 of Irish in me at the time. That is whiskey, not a leprechaun. Okay, Great Britain is the island that consists of England, Scotland and Wales. The UK is the United Kingdom which is the island of Great Britain and North Ireland. The British Isles is the UK and the Republic of Ireland. That last one is the once I am still confused on, but I am too lazy to Google it at the moment, so go for it.

I have learned some things in conversing with my friends that make me rethink some of the words I use. It is difficult for me now to ask my boys to find their pants. Pants in British English (B.E.) is underwear. Girls are called knickers, where as ours are panties. Which makes more sense where the word panties comes from I guess. If you really want pant pants, they are trousers. I was shopping with my British friend and she was saying that the sweater (jumper in B.E.) is low so she would need a vest under it. I was thinking a vest? But that goes on top of the sweater, not under. What the heck is she talking about? Okay, a vest in B.E. is a tank or a cami. Ah, okay, makes more sense now. But if a Brit wants a vest vest then that is a waistcoat. To me a waistcoat is when you take off your jacket and tie it around your waist. Speaking of waist, a fannie pack gets Brits really rolling. A fannie in B.E. is the female's who-who (the girly parts down below). A fannie is A.E. is your bum. Just think of how funny it is to say you have a wet fannie to a Brit. Oops, forgot to wipe!

What can be even funnier is when your nine year old asks you for a rubber. Since my boys go to a British based school, this has happened. He is really asking for an eraser. If he needs trainers, it is not guys in the gym helping with weights, it is a pair of gym shoes. Now for your husband. If he is pissed, he is not mad at you, he is drunk. If he is tired, he is knackered. If he is taking a waz, he is peeing. If he is taking a wiz, he is taking a quick trip and will be back in a jiff. I know, so confusing since a wiz in A.E. is actually peeing.


Now for some insults. These are the fun ones because you can use them and, unless the insultee has been to the UK or the Isles or has read my blog, he/she will not understand you. From my last blog you know that numpty is a dumb ass. You can also use gobshite, which is Irish for idiot. Pikies or Piker are Irish gypsies and not a good word to be called. A fag is not a derogatory word. It is actually a cigarette. This threw me at first when my friend's husband went out to have a fag. Excuse me ? We don't use that word, it is rude. Oh wait, got it! A minger is a really ugly female. Interesting that the men did not tell us what an unattractive male is called. Hmm, why is that guys?


As for housing, these are really confusing. A block is not a street block, it is an apartment building. Now the movie "Attack The Block" makes more sense because the monsters were not attacking the block but just one building. Got it! A mezzanine is a loft. A loft is an attic. Your garbage is rubbish, and the can to toss it in is a bin. If you want water you draw the tap not the faucet, but I forgot to ask where the beer came from then. Boots are not on your feet but the trunk of your car. And bonnets are not on your head, but are the hoods of cars.


There are several more, but my brain hurts. I am an easily confused person at times. Just think of me while listening to a conversation in B.E. It is horrid!

My Week of Being a Numpty

I actually had no idea what this word meant. My British friend says it a lot, not to me though. At least not to my face. Yet. So I figured I had better look it up. I do not want Inigo Montoya to say to me, "I don think it means whata you thinka it means." So I went to Google to the British slang dictionary. So it means: dummy, idiot, ninny. That kind of thing. Okay so Inigo was right. I thought it meant dumbass. So I am going to Americanize the word and use it as such. I mean when speaking to your husband, is it better to call him a dumbass in front of his children or a numpty? (Of course I would NEVER do this anyway honey. I love you, baby).

So my week as a numpty started really just a few days ago. I went to lunch with said Numpty-sayer. We had a great time. However, in the middle of the lunch I inadvertently insulted another friend of mine. She was speaking about a tutor at school that her one teen has and that this tutor is useless. Unfortunately her younger teen will get this tutor next year. So as a wonderful friend I mention that she does not need to worry because the younger is smart so he will not really need the tutor. See? Numpty! Whoops. I totally did not means to insult the older child, who is pretty smart by the way. So I had to back track on the conversation to make sure she knew that I knew that her older child was not stupid. Like me apparently.

Next day. Thursday I am having a good lunch with great friends. I originally invited them to lunch then switched it for a workout session and a drink afterwards. Well I did not remember this. So all day I am thinking I am going to lunch with these ladies. 2 pm rolls around and I am starving, and this is after a workout session with one of them. They were smart and already ate. So I had a salad, one had just an appetizer thing, and another had an ice cream sundae. She was the smart one! So the check comes and the appetizer girl pays for hers, and then I say to the waiter to split the difference. So my one friend had a $20 sundae and my bill was cheaper than my salad. See? Numpty! Whoops. So I owe her coffee and a muffin on Monday.

Friday. Today. I do not realize that the cloudy day meant rain. Why should I? So we take the kids to the bus stop. Then I drive with my husband to his work because I walk to dance class from there, and it is cheaper than taking a taxi later. So we are driving down the road. There is an accident so the road is partly shut down, due to the dead body under the tarp. Great way to start a Friday. Really. Then we get to hubby's work and I need to tinkle. So I head to the restroom. Of course the seat is wet. But I don't know this till I sit down. Great. Then I head over to a bakery where I sit and have a coffee until time for class. I walk outside. It is raining. Where is my umbrella? At home next to the front door. Numpty! So I am soaked by the time I get to the bakery. I have a nice coffee and toast and sit for a while. Then I head to dance. I have to maneuver through an obstacle course of dog poo, but I get there. Class goes well. Then I have to wait to deliver some water bottles that my Thursday bill-jilted friend sold to someone who lives down by the studio. So an hour later and a few phone calls because he kept on missing the bright orange building and my bright pink jacket, I give him the bottles. But he does not have the money to pay for them. I give them to him anyway. We will deal with that later. All I know is I am starving and it is peak lunch rush. I find a taxi who, by the way, takes the longest route he could come up with to the restaurant where I am meeting friends. First thing I order was a glass of wine.

But wait, shouldn't there be more of numpties? Why yes there is. This is a really nice restaurant. It was picked because everyone is leaving for the summer/winter. Where are my nice clothes to change into from my dance workout outfit? At home. Numpty! So I am in this nice restaurant, there are models in a table two down from us, and everyone at my table is dressed very nice. And then there was me. In my Hollywood bedazzled tank and capri exercise pants. But it was halfway good because it is the kind of pants with the skirt connected. But still. The restaurant had a long hallway towards the back and the bathrooms. I so wanted to walk by the model table with my muffin top hanging out and pretend to have a wedgie. That would be so classic and up scale of me. But I refrained. It was tough though. Why were they there anyway? It was an Italian restaurant, heavy on the pasta. What did they eat? Lettuce?

I am home right now, dressed comfy and relaxed. But the week is not over yet. I am sure there will be more numpties tomorrow.

Rubbing Elbows

It is amazing the people that you meet while you are walking down the street each day. Sorry, had to do that. We have been in Brazil for almost two years now. We have met a lot of fun and interesting people from all over the world. We have friends from England, Scotland, France, The Netherlands. We have an Irish friend as well. She is Republic, not Republican, which means she is from the independent country and not from the IRA. Which believe it or not is confusing to a few people in Britain. We have also met some very nice Brazilians. It is truly fun to learn about different cultures and languages, even if it is English but spoken differently.

Our children go to an international school here in Sao Paulo. We have heard stories that they will be invited on private planes to go skiing in Chile and such. But we were like, no that will never happen...

My youngest son is very outgoing. He makes friends at the drop of a hat. So when he was invited to a birthday party, we thought okay that is great! We were thinking the 4 hour Brazilian party from 7 pm until 11 pm on a school night. Because that actually happens. So I get the call. They will be going to the family's cabin a few hours into the interior. For the weekend. Okay, this is new. Sure no problem my son can go. Then two days before the trip there is a change of plans. Oh, we decided to go to our beach house instead because there is more for the kids to do there. Okay. Hmm, do I go to my cabin in the mountains, or do I go to my beach house? Decisions, decisions....

Next friend comes along. Hey do you and your dad want to go with me and my dad for a father son weekend? That would be great, but we already have plans. We can try a different time. Okay, two months later, can you go now? Well I can but my dad will be out of town. No problem you can go with my dad and me. Okay, where are we going? To our beach house on our island just south of Rio. We will take our plane there and come back the next day. Well that sounds fun! And it was. There was the private beach, the boat to go tubing behind, the walks to take to talk about private stuff that is really important to an tween. Apparently, my child did not have to pick up anything including his clothes. The maids did it. And if he wanted anything to eat, even ice cream during the day, the maids dished it right out. Well that is nice, they brought their maid? No, the maids live there. Well okay!

It has truly been an experience living here. I wonder who we will rub elbows with next?

Desensitized

I was told the other day that my blog entries are getting fewer. This is true actually. I was writing about adventures at least once a week when I moved here. This year, you are lucky to get one a month. Desensitized? Most likely. What I thought was really interesting two years ago, maybe even just one, now, not so much. They are everyday occurrences now. And while my relatives in Germany or my friends in Switzerland get to galavant all over Europe, we are pretty much homebodies. So in an effort to entertain you, I have decided to write today about something I have written many times about, driving.

I know, that topic again? Well it is the most interesting one at the moment. I do have another on the docket (can you believe I actually had to look up the spelling of that word?), but you will have to wait for that. I will need a topic for next week right?

I have friends here that have drivers. I feel very sorry for them. Not because they get to sit back and relax and play with their iPod while someone else lugs them all over creation and back. No, it is because they cannot experience the euphoria of driving in Sao Paulo. They do not get to experience buses from one far lane wanting to turn right, across 4 lanes of traffic. They don't get to be that person who has to stop and wave to others so that they can turn left from the far right lane. No avoiding potholes or missing manhole covers. Sometimes this is all the entertainment you can get in a day.

For example, like today. One son was with friends, one was sick, and my husband is traveling for work. What is mom going to do today after church? Nothing. So the only interesting part of the day was the drive to and from church. Three fun things stand out in my mind for today. One; I was about two minutes out from my complex on the major frontage road when I had to change lanes. The reason? Someone missed their turn and instead of going the long way around, they decided to go in reverse about 100 yards so they could turn right. I and several other cars had to avoid hitting them. Two; I am in line to turn right to get onto the bridge to get onto the highway. There was a car stopped in front of the lanes. He needed to make a u-turn. So he parked his car lengthwise in front of us until our light turned green so he could u-turn. And finally three; I had to slalom on the way home. That is the ski thing right? Where you weave in and out of the flags? Well, instead of flags it was cars. I was driving along and then someone going 20 kph slower than me (I was actually doing the speed limit, they were not) decided he liked my lane better to drive in than his, so he switched in front of me. Thank you! And no, there was no one in his lane in front of him. Just wanted to be in my lane. So weave around him, then there was another, then another. I think since my husband's car is so dirty someone must have written in the hood "Please cut in front of me." That is really the only explanation I can think of.

You see? All of the fun you could have behind the wheel. And to think, some people never get to experience it.

You have to sing this...

It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When we try to explain how we feel
That we still love your city after all that we've done

You won't believe me
All you will see is tourists who came
to Buenos Aires to visit
but, we didn't see anything lame

we had ate yummy steak, we had to make change
Couldn't stop taking many pictures
Looking out of the window, staying out of the rain

So we chose the BA bus
Running around, trying everything new
everything impressed us all
we never expected it to

[Chorus:]

Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is we spent so much money
All through our fun-filled days
Our mad excursions
we made our purchases
Don't keep my receipt

And as for lost fortune, who's to blame
My husband would say it was me
but I really think it is totally your fault

There was Recolleta
There was the Tango Show at La Vantana
La Boca and Caminito
We love you and hope you love us

Don't cry for me Argentina

[chorus]

Have we said too much?
There's nothing more we can think of to say to you.
But all you have to do is look at us to know
That every word is true

A Little Protein in Your Salad Never Hurts

The other day I was going to lunch with some girlfriends. I am going to call them O and E. O is from out of town, hence the O, and will be moving here this July sometime. Can't wait! And E is an Ex-pat like me, hence the E. So I tell the girls what restaurant we will be meeting at. So I arrive at just before noon, and the restaurant is closed. Which did not worry me, because most do not open till noon. That is until I saw the hole in the wall on the side. No this was a permanent closing. S**T! O does not have a phone that I can call! E's phone is going right to voice mail. What should I do?

Then I saw a taxi at the next corner pointing my way. Okay O was here. Great. So I try to pull away from the spot I am parked in, but there are workers behind me. I have to wait for them to cross the street. By that time the taxi is pulling away. NNNOOO! So I pull away and chase after the taxi. Now, no one really honks their car horn in Sao Paulo. So when I am laying on the horn I would expect the taxi driver to wonder what that noise is. Nope. I am banging on the horn and trying to make him pull over when he FINALLY notices me and pulls off the road. Now I am pretty sure this was my friend, but not 100%. Luckily it was her. She pays the cabbie and gets in my car. Now what? Well E is still not answering her phone so I assumed that she could not cut the meeting she had and was not coming to lunch. Where should we go?

Well I started driving and chatting. I was actually paying attention to the road too, which is unusual for me. I called my husband, yes I was on the phone too. Hey I am a multi-tasker! He gave a reco on where to go. Okay! So I am blocks from the new place, and E calls. "Hey where are you? The restaurant is closed!" Umm, about that. Well come to find out that she kept on pocketing dialing people so she had to shut off her phone. Oops! So we head back to the same street we just came from because E said the restaurant down the street from the closed one was good. So we head back. In lunch hour traffic. It took some time.

The restaurant is named Olea Mozzarella Bar. Yum, sounds Italian. Well not really, but they did have bruschetta! And it was the best I have tasted so far. It is a buffet style restaurant. So what you do is go to the salad bar and then get appetizers, and then go back for lunch. As many times as you want. They had chicken, fillet mignon, snapper. So let's start with a salad. I get field greens, arugula, oh and you point what you want and they make it for you. Nice, don't have to do a thing. Okay, I get my salad with balsamic vinaigrette. And we sit down and talk. And talk, and talk. I am almost done. I have a few leaves still on my plate. I look down. What is floating in my vinaigrette? A grayish looking garden grub. Not a big one, maybe only a half inch long. YUMMO! I hope the vinegar killed it.

So I call over the proprietress. Her explanation: "Oh I am so sorry! You know we are very organic here. No pesticides. It makes the food healthier."

Um okay. But now I am wondering how many grubs I ate. O and E are laughing once the lady leaves. Cracking jokes about how organic my meal is. Did we stay? Yes, they had fillet mignon on the main table! I needed more protein people! Or just to wash the thought of the grub out of my taste buds.

In the end it was a fun lunch with friends, despite the grub. Of course they did not comp anything. Why should they, it was organic! Bonus!

Can't wait for O to arrive so we can do lunch again. And in the meantime, E and I will just have to find more bug salads to eat!

New Shocks and a Bruised Rib

March for us was a month of travelling. We hit the beach several times. One such beach was Praia Juquehy, pronounced joo-kay-ee, or close enough to it. This beach was beautiful. You know, every time we hit a different one, we say, this is the most beautiful beach I have seen outside of Rio. Of course, until we hit the next one. Juquehy is about a 2.5 hour drive outside of Sao Paulo. It is really not that far actually. But to get there you have to go over 38 speed bumps, one way. Really they are speed reducing mountains due to the size of some of these things.

We picked the boys up from school on a Friday and headed out. It is really a nice drive over bridges in the mountains. Scary at times, but really nice, see?

I wish I could take a picture of the road with all of the speed bumps. It is about 40 miles long, so that works out to be about 1 bump per mile. However, I could not because, well the bumps. But we finally got to the beach. We hit the turn off but it did not look right. It was a dirt road with construction all around and it looked like we were heading into the jungle. So we took the long way around. Not the best idea either.

See they built this little city by the sea. But they did not build infrastructure around it. The bridge to go over the run out path has no boards in the middle of it. If you jerk the wheel? You are in the ravine.

I thought I took a picture, but this is a different bridge that we took to leave. But you can see where there are no boards. Also, the road that they built for this little town was very interesting. They did not grade it, they did not put draining in so that the rain would be taken away. So the road was EXTREMELY bumpy. I think I have a picture of that.

Okay, so I did not take a good picture again. It is not my strong suit. However, can you see the car in the corner? That is not due to camera angle. It is due to street angle. By the time we got to our hotel my youngest was trying hard not to pee his pants, which was difficult considering the jarring, and I bruised my rib on the door handle.

But get there we did. And, oh my, what tranquility. We relaxed for two days. It was so nice. The first night we lost power due to a tremendous storm, but we did not mind. The weekend was wonderful. We ate very delicious food. We played cards. We took walks on the beach, and we rested by the pool. We needed the break and felt rested coming home. Here are some pictures of the paradise we found. The first is the best of the weekend, taken by my nine year old. Actually, I think he took all of these. A photographer in the making?