My Week of Being a Numpty

I actually had no idea what this word meant. My British friend says it a lot, not to me though. At least not to my face. Yet. So I figured I had better look it up. I do not want Inigo Montoya to say to me, "I don think it means whata you thinka it means." So I went to Google to the British slang dictionary. So it means: dummy, idiot, ninny. That kind of thing. Okay so Inigo was right. I thought it meant dumbass. So I am going to Americanize the word and use it as such. I mean when speaking to your husband, is it better to call him a dumbass in front of his children or a numpty? (Of course I would NEVER do this anyway honey. I love you, baby).

So my week as a numpty started really just a few days ago. I went to lunch with said Numpty-sayer. We had a great time. However, in the middle of the lunch I inadvertently insulted another friend of mine. She was speaking about a tutor at school that her one teen has and that this tutor is useless. Unfortunately her younger teen will get this tutor next year. So as a wonderful friend I mention that she does not need to worry because the younger is smart so he will not really need the tutor. See? Numpty! Whoops. I totally did not means to insult the older child, who is pretty smart by the way. So I had to back track on the conversation to make sure she knew that I knew that her older child was not stupid. Like me apparently.

Next day. Thursday I am having a good lunch with great friends. I originally invited them to lunch then switched it for a workout session and a drink afterwards. Well I did not remember this. So all day I am thinking I am going to lunch with these ladies. 2 pm rolls around and I am starving, and this is after a workout session with one of them. They were smart and already ate. So I had a salad, one had just an appetizer thing, and another had an ice cream sundae. She was the smart one! So the check comes and the appetizer girl pays for hers, and then I say to the waiter to split the difference. So my one friend had a $20 sundae and my bill was cheaper than my salad. See? Numpty! Whoops. So I owe her coffee and a muffin on Monday.

Friday. Today. I do not realize that the cloudy day meant rain. Why should I? So we take the kids to the bus stop. Then I drive with my husband to his work because I walk to dance class from there, and it is cheaper than taking a taxi later. So we are driving down the road. There is an accident so the road is partly shut down, due to the dead body under the tarp. Great way to start a Friday. Really. Then we get to hubby's work and I need to tinkle. So I head to the restroom. Of course the seat is wet. But I don't know this till I sit down. Great. Then I head over to a bakery where I sit and have a coffee until time for class. I walk outside. It is raining. Where is my umbrella? At home next to the front door. Numpty! So I am soaked by the time I get to the bakery. I have a nice coffee and toast and sit for a while. Then I head to dance. I have to maneuver through an obstacle course of dog poo, but I get there. Class goes well. Then I have to wait to deliver some water bottles that my Thursday bill-jilted friend sold to someone who lives down by the studio. So an hour later and a few phone calls because he kept on missing the bright orange building and my bright pink jacket, I give him the bottles. But he does not have the money to pay for them. I give them to him anyway. We will deal with that later. All I know is I am starving and it is peak lunch rush. I find a taxi who, by the way, takes the longest route he could come up with to the restaurant where I am meeting friends. First thing I order was a glass of wine.

But wait, shouldn't there be more of numpties? Why yes there is. This is a really nice restaurant. It was picked because everyone is leaving for the summer/winter. Where are my nice clothes to change into from my dance workout outfit? At home. Numpty! So I am in this nice restaurant, there are models in a table two down from us, and everyone at my table is dressed very nice. And then there was me. In my Hollywood bedazzled tank and capri exercise pants. But it was halfway good because it is the kind of pants with the skirt connected. But still. The restaurant had a long hallway towards the back and the bathrooms. I so wanted to walk by the model table with my muffin top hanging out and pretend to have a wedgie. That would be so classic and up scale of me. But I refrained. It was tough though. Why were they there anyway? It was an Italian restaurant, heavy on the pasta. What did they eat? Lettuce?

I am home right now, dressed comfy and relaxed. But the week is not over yet. I am sure there will be more numpties tomorrow.