Learning English in Brazil

I know what you are thinking by the title. What? That does not make any sense. But this blog is in honor of some wonderful people whom we have met here and actually wanted to be our friends.

We do have some very good friends here. They are English, Scottish and Irish. Not Northern Irish, because they are actually British subjects, but Republic Irish. Which cannot be confused with Republicans. Because they are the IRA. Which also should not be confused with the American Republicans who tend to support the NRA. (Interesting that it is only only letter different.) We have learned many things from these good friends, namely that we use the wrong words to describe things.

First of all I would like to educate you on some of the geography we learned. I think this is correct, but is might not be since I had about a 1/5 of Irish in me at the time. That is whiskey, not a leprechaun. Okay, Great Britain is the island that consists of England, Scotland and Wales. The UK is the United Kingdom which is the island of Great Britain and North Ireland. The British Isles is the UK and the Republic of Ireland. That last one is the once I am still confused on, but I am too lazy to Google it at the moment, so go for it.

I have learned some things in conversing with my friends that make me rethink some of the words I use. It is difficult for me now to ask my boys to find their pants. Pants in British English (B.E.) is underwear. Girls are called knickers, where as ours are panties. Which makes more sense where the word panties comes from I guess. If you really want pant pants, they are trousers. I was shopping with my British friend and she was saying that the sweater (jumper in B.E.) is low so she would need a vest under it. I was thinking a vest? But that goes on top of the sweater, not under. What the heck is she talking about? Okay, a vest in B.E. is a tank or a cami. Ah, okay, makes more sense now. But if a Brit wants a vest vest then that is a waistcoat. To me a waistcoat is when you take off your jacket and tie it around your waist. Speaking of waist, a fannie pack gets Brits really rolling. A fannie in B.E. is the female's who-who (the girly parts down below). A fannie is A.E. is your bum. Just think of how funny it is to say you have a wet fannie to a Brit. Oops, forgot to wipe!

What can be even funnier is when your nine year old asks you for a rubber. Since my boys go to a British based school, this has happened. He is really asking for an eraser. If he needs trainers, it is not guys in the gym helping with weights, it is a pair of gym shoes. Now for your husband. If he is pissed, he is not mad at you, he is drunk. If he is tired, he is knackered. If he is taking a waz, he is peeing. If he is taking a wiz, he is taking a quick trip and will be back in a jiff. I know, so confusing since a wiz in A.E. is actually peeing.


Now for some insults. These are the fun ones because you can use them and, unless the insultee has been to the UK or the Isles or has read my blog, he/she will not understand you. From my last blog you know that numpty is a dumb ass. You can also use gobshite, which is Irish for idiot. Pikies or Piker are Irish gypsies and not a good word to be called. A fag is not a derogatory word. It is actually a cigarette. This threw me at first when my friend's husband went out to have a fag. Excuse me ? We don't use that word, it is rude. Oh wait, got it! A minger is a really ugly female. Interesting that the men did not tell us what an unattractive male is called. Hmm, why is that guys?


As for housing, these are really confusing. A block is not a street block, it is an apartment building. Now the movie "Attack The Block" makes more sense because the monsters were not attacking the block but just one building. Got it! A mezzanine is a loft. A loft is an attic. Your garbage is rubbish, and the can to toss it in is a bin. If you want water you draw the tap not the faucet, but I forgot to ask where the beer came from then. Boots are not on your feet but the trunk of your car. And bonnets are not on your head, but are the hoods of cars.


There are several more, but my brain hurts. I am an easily confused person at times. Just think of me while listening to a conversation in B.E. It is horrid!