Drive

It is January, and we are finally getting our driver's licenses. You have like 6 months to get them before it gets bad if you are in an accident. Like pay the world bad. Am I ever going to drive? Not really, I have a driver to take me around and get the boys to and from school. This is really important, because I probably would have killed somebody by now. No, I will only drive on weekends to church or out on the town when my husband has had a few drinks. Also in Brazil, zero tolerance. I like this. People are very responsible here with regards to drinking and driving.

Anyway. Let's go get my license. It is raining. Of course. So I figured not too many people will be at the DMV if it is raining. No. We were wrong. The world is there. Why? Go home people! We get there at 8:30 am to meet our helper. Yes, we have someone to help take us around the DMV and the various tests to make sure we do this right. It is not like the States. Oh no. Get a load of this....

So we are there. My husband has his documents and I have mine. These include a bill with the apartment address, our federal ID card, our federal tax number, our passport, our visa, our US drivers licenses, and birth certificates along with my official marriage license. My husband does not need the ML, I just do. I think there were a few more. It is hard to remember. Now, because the US requires you to renew your license every four years other countries think you have only been driving since the newest start date. Even if you are 40+ years old. My husband renewed last Spring. Less than 8 months valid. Did he keep his old one? No, he had no reason to since it was before we knew about moving to Brazil. Brazil did not like this. He also tossed his old Brazil license. It was expired so he didn't think he would need to keep it. Brazil did not like this either. It would be very bad for a man with my husband's position to not be able to drive. There were many letters and calls back and forth regarding this. I however, kept my old license. Only because I renewed it this summer after I knew we were moving and I needed it until my new one came in. Yes, Brazil wanted to see both.

Okay, so no problem right? We turn in all the documents. Now, moving to Brazil you have to get official notarized documents, then Brazil officially authorizes that they are authentic with a big official stamp on the back. We turn in my authenticated papers with all the official stamps. Why? To get the authenticated papers re-authenticated. Yes, we waited an hour for this. Okay. I am officially re-authenticated! Next step is a health exam at a storefront around the corner, in the rain. Okay, off we trek. Blood pressure, check; mental stability, check?; balance, check; you and your husband been "good" as in "you two been cool with each other", check? You and your husband have issues?, no and why-do-you-care-you-weirdo check. Okay, my husband and I are cool with each other and doing fine in that department thank you for making me uncomfortable just to get a license Mr. Inquirer. Next comes the drivers test. No it is not a street test. It is a matching test. Yes, matching. No you are not matching driving rules, you are matching pictures and patterns. Yes, that is right. First you make hash lines until the tester gives a signal. Then you make a hyphen and go back to hashes. That's done. Next, pick out these 3 different triangles out of all of the lines that cover this sheet, which is covered in triangles. Okay, next are 3 different shaped arrows. Okay, next match the pictures with what is missing from the picture to finish it. Next, what comes next in the pattern. An hour later we are done and passed all tests. Thank the good Lord that is done. Now we go back and turn in our results. Oh and the traffic rules I need to know? No turn on red, ever. No crossing the white line by the pedestrian crossing at a traffic light. If you need to turn right from the left lane just roll down your window, stick your hand out or at least make it visible, wave at the other drivers, turn, beep your horn in thanks.

Why are the test results not automated? That would be too easy. We make our way in the rain back to the DMV. We wait. Get my re-authenticated paperwork back and turn in our results. We wait some more. Then all is kosher. So we wait in line to get our pictures taken. That done we go back to the line so we can pay. We wait 40 minutes in this line. By now it is almost noon. Lunch breaks will start to happen. We are screwed. Finally, we get to the front of the line. But wait, this is Brazil. Old peeps get to jump the line in Brazil. 4, count them 4 old peeps jump in front of us. Because all four are confused on where the other clerk told them to wait. Yes, I am serious. They left the line and stopped at our clerk to ask again. All 4 of them! They should not be driving if they can't get those simple directions down. Come On! Okay. Finally we are done. Please sign this paper so the helper representative can come back and pick up your licenses. When will they be done? 45 days. What???? It is a piece of paper! It is not even laminated or a card or anything. 45 days to get a piece of paper? You can print it out now!

Five hours after we arrive, we leave to wait on the DMV. Five hours.....

So, who's going to drive you home? I will. In approximately 45 days.

Caribbean Queen

Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat! If the goose is me that is. Brazilian food is just too good so dieting it is!

A good way to diet is to book an American Airlines flight for Christmas Day. Why? Because they will move your reservations up by 12 hours. Yes, 12, so that you miss Noche Buena dinner and birthday cake, pa moi, because you have to be at the airport by 11 pm. Whatever. It just meant I could spend Christmas Day with my other sister of the heart, Deniece. She is married to our best friend from high school. Problem is she is a great cook, and she wanted to have ready our typical Christmas dinner. They are Jewish. We eat ham, spiral cut, honey baked to be exact. She never cooked one before, but she did an amazing job. Now they are Jews who eat ham #jewswhoeatham. You are welcome!

We had 24 hours with her and her family. And we enjoyed every drop of it. We missed them as soon as we left. But then. Then we were off to the DR.

I love the Caribbean, though I can never remember if it has two r's or 2 b's. I always go for the wrong one. Every. Single. Time. Why is that? Why can't I remember? Okay, back to the Caribe. My husband is from the Caribbean. I have to keep typing it so I can remember 2 b's. Okay, the Caribbean. God knew what he was doing when he hooked us up. I belong in the tropics. Our philosophy for vacations is... well not just vacations. We strive for this always... Ice in our drinks, not under our feet. Tough to accomplish when living in Minnesota. But, if you don't go out in the winter who cares? Hibernating is good too, just ask bears. And we don't live there at the moment so our philosophy is intact.

So the DR, our first time. It was amazing. So amazing in fact that we are going back again next New Year and conning, I mean bribing, I mean badgering, I mean bringing 3 more families along, including family! YEY!!! But this first time, we just met one set of friends and their girls. Yes, another sister of the heart. I told you I have a few. Plus my heart is big enough to shove a few more in there, no worries. If Heather is my Brit, Deniece is my Apache/Puerto Rican, then Monique is my Dutch sis. I can give the UN a run for its money!

A week with the other pea in my pod on a tropical island, a paradise really. It was easy and relaxing and fun. Breakfast, pool, drinks, pool, lunch, beach, siesta, dinner, entertainment, dancing, sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. Truly a paradise with no rain in sight. Sorry Heather! Well except for 15 minutes to midnight New Years Eve. Yes, perfect timing. It chucked it down hard. But we kept dancing. Of course it shorted out the lights and music system. You should have seen this system. I think there were 8 plugs going into 3 outlets. It looked like the outlet in A Christmas Story. Ugh I can't share the image. Well google Christmas Story electrical Outlet in images, you will see what I am talking about. But, being the experts in jerry rigging at the time, they had it sorted and up and running with 2 minutes to spare. Good timing guys! Then I think like 30 minutes of awesome fireworks. The resort did it up nice.

I had a blast, and rang in the new year in the best way possible, with friends who are family, a sexy husband whom I love tremendously, and two teenage boys who smiled a few times. It was tough to leave. A few tears were shed, but like I said, we will be back next year!

Blame It On the Rain

So in November my friend came to visit. I have been very lucky to meet several ladies I consider sisters of my heart. In the next few entries you will hear about a few of them. Here is the first.

So Heather is coming to visit. I am so excited! I have so much planned, but we are limited by time and my boys in school. So we need to work around pick up schedules. I could do that! I had her Yorkshire tea ready. We would go to dance class, to the outdoor market. We would go to lunch and see a few parts of the city. And I would take her to the beach for the weekend where we could sit in the sand and have people bring us drinks and food and not have to move an inch. Excellent plan! But what happens to the best laid plans? Yes, they go to shit.

So Heather is British and my friend from Switzerland. It was her first time in my lovely adopted country. What does it do 95% of the time she is here? Rain. Yes the British girl got rain. We went to the pool. Rain. If I even said the word pool, it started to get cloudy and rain. We went to lunch. Rain. We went to the beach for the weekend. Rain. And not just any rain. It was sideways rain with gale force winds. I think we had only two mornings prior to the weekend where it was sunny up until 11 am. Really? Come on!

But her and her husband got to experience the real Brazil in their minimal travels around the city. So we are driving to the beach. This should only take about 1.75 hours. At 2.75 we finally get there. Kinda. So the men car got stuck on the highway. Why? Well, one it was raining. Point 2, it is Brazil, something is bound to happen. Of course it did. What happened you ask? Well they were traveling along no problem when the traffic just stopped. There was an accident. When they finally passed it, the accident was that a tree fell on a car. Yes, you read it correctly. Due to the heavy rains, there was loosened soil. A big tree fell onto a surfer's car. The dudes were fine. Their car was totalled. However, being in the girl car we did not see this. We had to pee, naturally. So we stopped. However, also being in Brazil there is no easy way to get back onto the highway from the rest stop. So we had to go on the business highway. Whatever. But we missed the accident. We did, however, get to see lakes in the middle of the road. Yes, so much rain that lakes formed in the middle of the only highway in and out of the beach area. You go slow you are fine. Or you could go fast and spray the entire population of the beach town with water. I went slow. Heather has a video of getting out of the car at the grocery store with the water mid-calf and flowing free. Plus, it was cold water and rain. Adventure is always around the corner. I believe when we were leaving the beach Heather said she was done with tropical countries and being inside an actual rain forest. It was that much water.

The only real sun came that we had was the two hours before they had to leave. That was it. If she never comes back to Brazil, I'm going to ..... Blame it on the rain, yeah yeah.

See what I did there? Haha!

The Lazy Song

As I sit and drink my coffee while I write this, I reflect over the number of people who have commented that I have not posted anything in a while. I apologize. I have been busy doing absolutely nothing. So what has happened since, what, October? Muito mucho apparently!

So in between my not much of anything, which includes spin class; yoga; sewing club; ladies club functions; mahjong club; boot camp; book club; and a myriad of lunches, you will be bombarded with several things to read.

P.S. There will be a test afterwards.