Caribbean Queen

Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat! If the goose is me that is. Brazilian food is just too good so dieting it is!

A good way to diet is to book an American Airlines flight for Christmas Day. Why? Because they will move your reservations up by 12 hours. Yes, 12, so that you miss Noche Buena dinner and birthday cake, pa moi, because you have to be at the airport by 11 pm. Whatever. It just meant I could spend Christmas Day with my other sister of the heart, Deniece. She is married to our best friend from high school. Problem is she is a great cook, and she wanted to have ready our typical Christmas dinner. They are Jewish. We eat ham, spiral cut, honey baked to be exact. She never cooked one before, but she did an amazing job. Now they are Jews who eat ham #jewswhoeatham. You are welcome!

We had 24 hours with her and her family. And we enjoyed every drop of it. We missed them as soon as we left. But then. Then we were off to the DR.

I love the Caribbean, though I can never remember if it has two r's or 2 b's. I always go for the wrong one. Every. Single. Time. Why is that? Why can't I remember? Okay, back to the Caribe. My husband is from the Caribbean. I have to keep typing it so I can remember 2 b's. Okay, the Caribbean. God knew what he was doing when he hooked us up. I belong in the tropics. Our philosophy for vacations is... well not just vacations. We strive for this always... Ice in our drinks, not under our feet. Tough to accomplish when living in Minnesota. But, if you don't go out in the winter who cares? Hibernating is good too, just ask bears. And we don't live there at the moment so our philosophy is intact.

So the DR, our first time. It was amazing. So amazing in fact that we are going back again next New Year and conning, I mean bribing, I mean badgering, I mean bringing 3 more families along, including family! YEY!!! But this first time, we just met one set of friends and their girls. Yes, another sister of the heart. I told you I have a few. Plus my heart is big enough to shove a few more in there, no worries. If Heather is my Brit, Deniece is my Apache/Puerto Rican, then Monique is my Dutch sis. I can give the UN a run for its money!

A week with the other pea in my pod on a tropical island, a paradise really. It was easy and relaxing and fun. Breakfast, pool, drinks, pool, lunch, beach, siesta, dinner, entertainment, dancing, sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. Truly a paradise with no rain in sight. Sorry Heather! Well except for 15 minutes to midnight New Years Eve. Yes, perfect timing. It chucked it down hard. But we kept dancing. Of course it shorted out the lights and music system. You should have seen this system. I think there were 8 plugs going into 3 outlets. It looked like the outlet in A Christmas Story. Ugh I can't share the image. Well google Christmas Story electrical Outlet in images, you will see what I am talking about. But, being the experts in jerry rigging at the time, they had it sorted and up and running with 2 minutes to spare. Good timing guys! Then I think like 30 minutes of awesome fireworks. The resort did it up nice.

I had a blast, and rang in the new year in the best way possible, with friends who are family, a sexy husband whom I love tremendously, and two teenage boys who smiled a few times. It was tough to leave. A few tears were shed, but like I said, we will be back next year!

Blame It On the Rain

So in November my friend came to visit. I have been very lucky to meet several ladies I consider sisters of my heart. In the next few entries you will hear about a few of them. Here is the first.

So Heather is coming to visit. I am so excited! I have so much planned, but we are limited by time and my boys in school. So we need to work around pick up schedules. I could do that! I had her Yorkshire tea ready. We would go to dance class, to the outdoor market. We would go to lunch and see a few parts of the city. And I would take her to the beach for the weekend where we could sit in the sand and have people bring us drinks and food and not have to move an inch. Excellent plan! But what happens to the best laid plans? Yes, they go to shit.

So Heather is British and my friend from Switzerland. It was her first time in my lovely adopted country. What does it do 95% of the time she is here? Rain. Yes the British girl got rain. We went to the pool. Rain. If I even said the word pool, it started to get cloudy and rain. We went to lunch. Rain. We went to the beach for the weekend. Rain. And not just any rain. It was sideways rain with gale force winds. I think we had only two mornings prior to the weekend where it was sunny up until 11 am. Really? Come on!

But her and her husband got to experience the real Brazil in their minimal travels around the city. So we are driving to the beach. This should only take about 1.75 hours. At 2.75 we finally get there. Kinda. So the men car got stuck on the highway. Why? Well, one it was raining. Point 2, it is Brazil, something is bound to happen. Of course it did. What happened you ask? Well they were traveling along no problem when the traffic just stopped. There was an accident. When they finally passed it, the accident was that a tree fell on a car. Yes, you read it correctly. Due to the heavy rains, there was loosened soil. A big tree fell onto a surfer's car. The dudes were fine. Their car was totalled. However, being in the girl car we did not see this. We had to pee, naturally. So we stopped. However, also being in Brazil there is no easy way to get back onto the highway from the rest stop. So we had to go on the business highway. Whatever. But we missed the accident. We did, however, get to see lakes in the middle of the road. Yes, so much rain that lakes formed in the middle of the only highway in and out of the beach area. You go slow you are fine. Or you could go fast and spray the entire population of the beach town with water. I went slow. Heather has a video of getting out of the car at the grocery store with the water mid-calf and flowing free. Plus, it was cold water and rain. Adventure is always around the corner. I believe when we were leaving the beach Heather said she was done with tropical countries and being inside an actual rain forest. It was that much water.

The only real sun came that we had was the two hours before they had to leave. That was it. If she never comes back to Brazil, I'm going to ..... Blame it on the rain, yeah yeah.

See what I did there? Haha!

The Lazy Song

As I sit and drink my coffee while I write this, I reflect over the number of people who have commented that I have not posted anything in a while. I apologize. I have been busy doing absolutely nothing. So what has happened since, what, October? Muito mucho apparently!

So in between my not much of anything, which includes spin class; yoga; sewing club; ladies club functions; mahjong club; boot camp; book club; and a myriad of lunches, you will be bombarded with several things to read.

P.S. There will be a test afterwards.

The Ballroom Blitz

This video is so bizarre. It is from the 70's. Maybe they smoked a little too much something before performing. Very possible.

So some would think living in Sao Paulo, Brazil you would get barraged only with Latin culture. This is not true. Like any metropolis, there are many different cultures and ethnicities residing here. Well last week we got to experience a Scottish Ceili. Talk about fun times! Yes, even in South America you have Scots. And bagpipes. Since I am a big fan of many things Scottish: me good friend Katie to take the number one slot, me other good friend Virginia the gambling seamstress - joke in there Virginia I will explain later, Scotch Whiskey - aged Single Malt Highland of course, shortbread, and Gerard Butler - but only when he is not chewing. He chews like he lives in a frat house. Yuck. Just to name five or this blog would never end. So when a friend explained about the St. Andrews Society Ball I just had to go. Alas, there was no Gerard Butler though.

We went with several friends to this PAR-TAY. I know we weren't the token Americans, but it was close. There was a procession in, many men in kilts (hopefully with underthings, but most likely not as they were true Scots), with bagpipe accompaniment. Then the dancing began. Talk about a big ol' mess. Half the peeps knew what they were doing, mainly the Scots, the rest of us were all over the place. A true ballroom blitz. We were given direction but if you don't know what a promenade is, or any of the other move names, you are not going to do it correctly. Plus you have to change partners multiple times. Yeah, we lost people who didn't want to dance with ignoramuses like ourselves. But we still had bunches of fun.

One of the great parts of the night was all you can drink whiskey. There was a bottle of Chivas Regal on the table in case you were too lazy to get up and go to the bar. Yes, that was me. Now my husband was fine. As a Hispanic, rum is his poison. But moi? Irish or Scotch Whiskey is for me. So much so that I started drinking it when we walked in and finished when we walked out. Forget about drinking water or eating bread to soak up some alcohol, that did not happen. I had me a two fingers full glass of neat Chivas all night. Never got below a finger's worth. So by the time we left, 12:30 because Ricardo was playing golf (invented by the Scots so it was okay to leave early) at 6 am, I was not walking perfectly straight. Now, let me tell you what I was wearing. I had on 3 inch heels that matched a very lovely raspberry colored gown that draped the floor so I tripped a bit if I was not careful. Some said it was pink/hot pink. But since I do not wear pink, it was raspberry sherbert in color. I think I can actually blame the dress instead of the whiskey. So we get into an Uber to go home, just across the river. Easy Peasy. Or should I say easy queasy?

Since it was cold by Brazilian standards (around 16 C/58 F) the windows were up and the A/C was not on. We did ask for A/C and we got a pittance of air. It did not help. Luckily we had to go only a 10 minute ride. Then I made the mistake of closing my eyes. Bad move Jen! We got to our condo complex. There were 4 cars in line for the visitor entrance. Since we were in an Uber we could not go through the resident line. I had to get out. There was no way I could take the car any more. I did not want to ruin my dress or the floorboards. It is a 10 minute hike up a steep, steep hill or a 5 minute wait. I chose the hike. Ricardo thought I was nuts. Well, he still thinks I am nuts, but that is not a new thing. So here we are, Rico in a suit, me in a gown entering the pedestrian entrance. Ricardo thinks the guards took pictures. Point one, we were fancified; point 2, me not walking straight; point 3, I kept on dropping my purse. But amazingly enough a steep hill is easier to walk in heels even if you are zigzagging it.

We made it home, Ricardo made it to golf. And we are ready for next year. I will be better prepared though. A shorter dress and some water in between. Can't wait!

Roxanne

Hello everybody! I know you have been waiting with baited breath for my next installment. Don't lie. Well we are in our apartment. We arrived two weeks ago and so far so good, minus the elephants upstairs. I have a drummer and a trumpet player in the house. I will get my revenge!

So you are probs wondering why I picked Roxanne by The Police. Yes, I know what the song is about. And no, fortunately/unfortunately, I will not be telling you about an experience with peeps of the night. Yes, I use peeps instead of women because how do you know they are women? There is a street by the Johnson & Johnson building where you can find entertainment. However, you cannot tell gender. And some of those dudes look pretty amazing. If your husbands suddenly have to come to SP to work with J&J it is not my fault.

Yes, so far so good. Minus one thing. Our things. Where are they? It has been six weeks since they were packed. Our sea shipment left on time and arrived in Santos where it will sit until the Customs Inspector strike is over and they can go through our boxes. Yes, there is a strike. Surprise, surprise. Please note my sarcasm here. I have had friends say, "Well no problem Jen your air shipment was very thorough." Yes it was. I have been through Brazil before so I knew to pack it to the limit. Well. That was just shipped this week! So. I don't get annoyed at many things: auto correct that changes your word to something completely different, or when auto correct does not add the apostrophe to contractions, or the fact that it can't auto spell apostrophe for me and I have to look it up on Google. Just to name inane things. My boys will say there are a few more, but I digress.

So shipped this week? Yes. One was sitting in the US and one in Switzerland for over six weeks! SIX WEEKS! And I cannot get an answer as to why. If they sent them on time, like last month, it would have gone through customs before the strike. So now I have to wait until the strike is over to get everything. Basically, I will be waiting a minimum of 12 weeks from arrival here for everything. We have been told everything will arrive at the same time. Why did I g to so much trouble and stress to divide everything if you are just gonna screw with me!!!!!!!!! ARGH! Yes, said like Charlie Brown. Even Ricardo is mad. He sent a very stern email. Not usual for him. Mostly he tells me to calm down and deal. (And he is usually right. But if you tell him that I will say you are lying.) Well he is not dealing either because it is kinda ridiculous. Especially not getting a good answer as to why.

Still not understanding the Roxanne angle Jen! Okay. So, our shipments could not have any medications or liquids of any kind. I understand the meds. But liquids, shoot! I get why, spillage and all. However, I am a hoarder of shampoos and soaps and lotions. Ask and friends will tell you I have the Armageddon closet for food and sundries. I have teen boys! Food closet is a must to survive the week. But with the sundries I am basically screwed. I have two boys heading to a school for the first time ever without uniforms. I have a husband who has to go to work. So suitcase space was very premium. Mine was filled with the closet and then afterthought with clothes. Now are you getting it? Yes, armageddonit Jen.

Sing with me, "Rooooooxanne, you do have to wear that dress tonight..." well actually you do. Because you could only fit 5 tank tops, 3 t-shirts, 3 jeans, one jammy, and 2 dresses in your suitcase with 4 pairs of shoes. That dress will be worn down to holes if you are not careful. Choose wisely Roxy! Choose wisely!

Turn the page

You don't expect to turn then page and end up right back at the beginning, but that is what we did. We are back in Brazil and it feels like home, the smelly marginal and all.

So when I got here back in 2010, I forgot to bring my hair dryer. I put it in the air shipment. But the moving company said it would only take a week to get our stuff. Well, a month later that was true. So without a hair dryer, I improvised. I pulled my clothes dryer away from the wall and laid down behind it and dried my hair. A little dusty, but it worked. Now in 2016? I know better. But, I don't have a clothes dryer. Turn the page and come full circle! We are in a hotel until our apartment is ready the beginning of next month. So that means laundry service. However, I am not paying anyone $4 to wash a pair of socks or undies, no matter how nicely it is packaged. I'm too cheap for that. So wash in the bathtub it is! After the maid comes of course, because I don't want to look cheap. Or crazy. So a few pieces a day. I should catch up by the end of the month, right? But without a dryer what can I use? That's right! My hair dryer!Works very nicely I might add. Socks fit right over the top, undies dry quickly. Easy peasy. Though t-shirts and shorts take a bit longer. I will not do jeans though. I have a limit. Those and hubby's work clothes go to the cleaners. I am not THAT insane. Usually.

Yes, Brazil feels like home. We love it here. Although I have started answering people in French. That is so not going to work. Too many languages in me brain! This morning I asked if I could bring a plate up to my child in the room and it was part Portuguese and part French. Sounded good, but hey, I got my point across. Yes, I have a sick child. Why would I not? Full circle again. We were sick when we arrived in Switzerland too. But this time my husband coughed on him. Yes, I am going to blame him. First, the oldest had the tummy flu in Switzerland. That smelled just as good as the river here does. Then husband comes back from traveling the world with a cold and fever. Then we arrive here and I get it, but I think it was from exhaustion more than anything. Now the last one to get it is my second. Of course he misses school today. Why not? Add more work on top of him tomorrow. Which he WILL be better. No jinxing it peeps!!!!!!

We are easing ourselves back in. We are remembering that buses rule the road here and they will cut you off by mere inches if they feel so inclined. That traffic is insane and you can turn right from the left lane. That waiters are shocked that you want more than one cup of american-sized coffee. That pineapple here tastes amazing and so does the papaya, though it still smells like feet. The papaya not the pineapple. That hooking up with old friends is a pleasure, even while still missing your Swiss ones like missing a piece of your heart.

So onward, turn the page, and let's start a new chapter...

Six Weeks Back Home

I was originally going to title my last blog "Being Home Sucks, Mom" because now I have to do housework again and I gained eight pounds. Housework is self explanatory since I no longer have a maid. I do have two boys though who are looking to earn money, so I have not had to do too much. It is a $1 a chore at my house. Of course that is as long as it is completed my way. I still rule the roost! The 8 pounds is really not fair. I will blame it on the type of food and the extra processes it goes through here as compared to Brazil, as well as the less eating of fruit since I cannot find good mangoes and any papaya what so ever. I will not blame it on the amount of food I am eating nor the lack of exercise. By the way, I have become adept in the use of wide belts to hide the muffin top. Oh and I can also blame it on my children. Since they are not in school I have to keep them occupied and not killing each other, thus I cannot exercise. I think those are good excuses. Put the blame on someone else I say!

I really enjoy being back. We are still without our sea shipment, but I was smart enough to pack my hairdryer this time. What is funny is that when I got to Brazil I had to use my clothes dryer to dry my hair until our shipment came. As we were leaving we did not have access to a clothes dryer for a week, and I needed to wash undies and such. So I had to use my hair dryer. Ironic isn't it. I think we have about 2 weeks maybe 3 before we see it. That will make it almost three months. Seems about right. We did have to buy a few new pieces of furniture to outfit our house. It is bigger than the ones we've left, hence the money for chore idea. I do love my new house. I can yell at my children without worrying if I am disturbing neighbors. And when we get our piano, I will not have to monitor the times the boys play. Our youngest is now playing trumpet. He is pretty good at it. He can toot that thing all over the house; I don't care. That makes it easy. The boys start school right after Labor Day. None of us can wait. I will party, I mean pray, when they head off hoping they have a good first day. Autumn is starting; a few trees in the neighborhood are turning. I have not had a real winter in four years. I hope the shivering I will do will help in losing some of the 8 pounds.

Yes, I do enjoy being back in the States. Getting things done is so much easier here. Target and Penney's and Macy's have everything I need. I do miss Brazil though. Yes, I have friends still there. I have tried to keep in touch via Facebook and emails, but until school starts it is not easy. Besides the yummy food and friends I am missing, I really miss the warmth of the culture. I have gotten so used to hugging and kissing everybody every time we meet, that it feels weird now not to do that. I know that if I did that here, I would freak people out, "Why are you touching me?!" Bear with me if it happens to you. I have forgotten a thing or two as well. I really have not driven much in two years. Now I have a car. I have gotten out of the car with the keys still in the ignition and the car running, though in park. Oops, I am no longer in a taxi! Luckily I have remembered to put it in park. Otherwise that would have been bad! Oh and that chore thing I mentioned, I have forgotten to do the laundry. "Why is the laundry on the floor and not washed and folded?" Oops, I need to do that. Shoot.

Now I am off to do some of that laundry, run errands, go to the grocery store, monitor summer reading, iron my husband's work clothes, and wash the car. I think that is all I have on the list today. Yep, so good to be back.